Invitation to Reconnect

The mindless clatter of my waking life
drowns out her whispers, forcing me to wait.
But in my dreams, she calls to me.
Her voice soft and clear.
Crisp like cold air.
She takes me by the hand
and leads me to the river's edge.
Challenges me to let go,
loose control,
and reconnect.
Let the waters rush over me
and cleanse my soul
from the outside in.
I worry about the darkest places
not getting the healing,
cleansing waters they need.
She assures me,
comforts me
as she pushes my head down
into the icy waters.
I wade
through the pain,
the darkness,
the waves of anguish
and awareness.
I wait for the waters
to work their magicks
and reuinte me with her,
with the ways I've always known were mine,
with myself.

Awake and Aware

Awake and dreaming do I sit.
Watching the world through a tiny slit
between the curtains. Pictures flit
before my eyes. A second split
between the lies, tightly knit
and revolve around the bit
of truth you subtly spit
in my direction as you see fit.

Unrelenting Labour

Time sneers
at a dark form
in the foolish silence.

Attracted by the candle's golden flame
and silver enchantments,
he labors.

Until, overcome by the burning morn,
he succumbs to rest,
at last.

Candles

Candles are like doors
Into the confines of prayer
Like words on breath
They melt away.

First Cup

In the beginning
Warm cappuccino blends with a laugh
Chocolate shavings curled and scattered
Weave rich and delicious boundaries
Of a relationship not yet formed

Dancing

Dancing into darkness
Lightning flashes haunting colors
That interrupt my destruction
Restless whispers
End my madness
Playing in the moment
Of failing dreams and shattered chaos
The apparitions claw their way into reality
Death gleaming in their eyes and desire on their breath
They cling to the memories that keep them alive
As do I.

Our Yesterdays

Misguided promise of innocence and love
Its embrace consumes me
Brings with it an awareness
And shades of redemption
Together they summon
My stolen light
Before sentencing me
To the darkness
That delivers me to the grief
That withers and dissolves
My strength, my resolve
And leaves me alone with
The ashes of our yesterdays

Tempest

In the beautifully raging skies
Thunder sounds
Like a savage whisper
Striking lonely
And in Anger
To destroy
In the wet and heavy air
Energy pulsates
Like a heart beat
Racing faster
And in anticipation
Of release
Amidst it all
I stand,
With bare feet
Near naked
Feeding on her energy,
Her life.
Taking it in to replace what I’ve lost,
Replenish what she took from me,
The rain washing away the sorrow and the grief.
Thunder crashing and clapping,
Snapping me awake and into awareness.
Lightning illuminating even the darkest of secrets,
And bringing them out to be cleansed.

Merit Badge

I wear loneliness like a boy scout wears a merit badge,
but laugh with a strange and delicious ease at your discomfort.
Understanding your questions,your grave concerns,
but too dead inside to give you the answers you deserve.

Numb

I watch her walk through my life, wearing my face and answering to my name.
I feel her going through the motions, changing diapers, washing my hair, buying the groceries, but I do not really feel.
Numb to the core. My legs feel like they are not my own.
My mind wanders in and out and leads me both home and astray. My life is like a movie, and I have a front row seat, but no date and I forgot the popcorn.
Something is missing.
But she can’t figure out what it is. I can’t put my finger on it, on anything.
The persistent proverbial fog has yet to lift.
So I watch her wander, through my childhood, adolescence, adulthood so far, childbirth, motherhood, joy, exaltation, loss and grief.
I watch her sink; fall farther away from herself, from me, until there is nothing left to watch.
The screen is blank.
The silence overwhelms me as I drown in recognition.
I have allowed my grief to consume me, define me. Slowly, painfully, the tears come and wash the fog away.
It was easier to be numb, to be flat, to be the audience. The hot salty tears etch canyons in my cheeks as they make their way to my chin and then fall to the ground.
Each one forcefully reminding me that I have too long been away from myself, too long denied them their release, afraid to confront the pain and uncertainty they represent.
Too long.
Grieving takes too long.